Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
