Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My pussy is not your playground.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
