I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
