I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
