i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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