Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
