i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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