my phone needs a breathalizer
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
