Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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