you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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