Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
