She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
