CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
