why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
