I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
