dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
