So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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