she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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