On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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