I wish life had little blips of pornography
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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