im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
