I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
