Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
