I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
