You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
