You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
