yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
