I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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