i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
