Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
