UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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