I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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