Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
