He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
