I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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