Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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