Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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