I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
