Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
