So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
