It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
