The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dick very happy bro
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
