just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
