How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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