i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there's paper in my vomit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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