Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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