so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize