i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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