I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
