she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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