yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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