I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
