When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
