discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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