oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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