i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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