I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
