It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
