i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You smell like stripper and shame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
