We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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