Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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