You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
