Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
