I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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