I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
