You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Buhtt sex?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
