before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
