and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
